Easy Prey
If children with social issues are a prime target for pedophiles, an Asperger’s kid is a pedophile’s dream. This topic, as disturbing as it may seem, is a growing concern. No longer is the pedophile just the weirdo on the playground or the deviant family friend or relative. Don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to minimize the role they play in destroying the childhood of victims they choose. I am trying to call your attention however, to the newer forms of communication and interaction these “people” now have access to.
We have seen it on the news repeatedly. The dad who purchased the Xbox 360 and unknowingly let pedophiles into his home, to chat with his sons. Teens are “friending” these people everyday - did you know you can make up an account, attach a picture and “friend” away? There is NO accountability here, no verification of identity. I have warned my children specifically about chat rooms - under no circumstances are they allowed to chat with anyone.
Opportunities abound in seemingly trivial websites, for example Warrior Cats RPG. For those of you who aren’t sure what Warrior Cats is, it is a series of books written by Erin Hunter, each series an adventure involving fantasy and an animal world - primarily cats. The website is a seemingly innocent extension of the book, allowing for play and not much conversation. What I was not prepared for was the backdoor chat room I happened into, much to my daughter’s dismay.
I had noticed that Molly had been spending significantly more time in her room glued to this website. For those of you who don’t know, one MAJOR flaw with the iPad is there is no capability for parental controls - any that are even attempted can be easily switched off in the general settings. Recently though, she has been more private regarding her iPad, closing it when I enter the room. I dismissed this behavior as a need for privacy. My comfort level with this behavior quickly left when she became more and more focused about needing to get on the iPad at a certain time.
Last Wednesday I walked into her room and she was in the usual position. Sitting at her desk engaged by whatever was on the screen at the moment. When she saw me she snapped her iPad shut and asked me very defensively “what are you doing? Don’t look at that!”. She then proceeded to get overly defensive and anxious wanting to log off (reaching and grabbing at it) of what she was doing so I wouldn’t “ruin” anything.
What I found was a conversation between Molly and someone else that to me had red flags all over it. I was reading and thinking that somewhere a 50 year old man was sitting on the other end asking Molly how old she was and telling her he really liked her and wanted to be her friend, that he understood her............. I had and continue to have such a sick feeling in my stomach whenever I think about it. In a best case scenario this person was actually a 13 year old, but I believe I found a predator who was doing his best to “groom” his next victim. He was feeding on the child who doesn’t belong, feels different and has few if any friends. He was isolating her and letting her know that he was there for her and really liked her - it is heartbreaking and disgusting, but he was effectively reeling her in.
Molly and I had a long discussion regarding this. Allegedly, it hadn’t occurred to her that this was chatting. I asked her if she had told him anything else besides the fact that she was 13. Going back and reviewing their conversations I am hopeful that she is telling the truth. She said she definitely didn’t tell him her “real” name, where she lives or any other information. I used this as an opportunity to scare my daughter with facts regarding this type of individual and what and how they operate.
I told my very literal daughter that 1 in 3 women are sexually assaulted as well as 1 in 6 boys (and those are only the reported cases). I also went on to explain how he targeted her, exploited her areas of weakness and in doing so how he was able to gain her trust and friendship. Some may argue I went too far, but I felt (and still do feel) that the more information a child has to defend themselves the better. I went on to explain what these “people” do. I told her how they will arrange to meet with the child and then I also filled her in on all of the unspeakable things they do.
When I first took the iPad away she was in complete panic. She was angry, volatile and threatened. She couldn’t understand what I was doing and why I would want to disrupt her Warrior “friendships.” Post-explanation her demeanor was much different. Molly was of course horrified to learn that there are people out there who would actually harm others on purpose and some for pleasure (my naive little one). I literally had to take apart brick by brick the wall this “person” was trying to put up between her and the world - looking at each conversation and letting her know what this person was doing.
In hindsight, The Protecting God’s Children that I was required to watch in order to be a CCD teacher was a huge blessing. This multi-day workshop was a mandatory part of church volunteer and Catechist training. I sat through the movies that featured convicted pedophiles detailing how they would “groom” their victims and how they were eventually successful in their efforts. All of these “people” had the same criteria they would search for in choosing their victim. They looked for socially isolated, lonely, children who needed someone to form a bond with them.
As horrifying as this was to discover, it could have been a lot worse. What if I hadn’t taken it away when I did? How many months, weeks or days would it have taken for this person to continue grooming and retrieve confidential information?
I write this post today hoping that all of you are monitoring what is going on in your home. The Wii, Xbox, computers and social media are just a few of the newer outlets for these “people” to be able to reach out to your child. You still need to be on guard for the “typical” pedophile and I think most of us are adept for spotting the adult that doesn’t “belong” to a kid at a public outing or those who are looking at the children in a way that just gives us the “creeps.” Take a look at what your child has been up to. It may seem radical, but remove computers and iPads from bedrooms. I sleep better at night knowing that the access has been severely limited, but I still wonder...................
I would love your thoughts.
PuzzleMom
