There is not enough love to go around. I'm not speaking of myself but in what I observe in everyday life. The lesson that I try to teach to all of my children (in particular my Aspie) is to be nice to EVERYONE. No, you do not have to like everyone but yes, you do indeed need and have to be nice. It would be unrealistic to think that you had to like everyone or that everyone had to like you, this is something I learned much later in life, but what an epiphany it was! Too many of us approach life like we are stuck in a traffic jam. I often laugh when I see someone that I know and they are annoyed by another driver, the facial expressions and physical gestures that emerge paint a new portrait, amazing the things we see when the thought is no one is looking.
I have NO tolerance for meanness. I used to, before Molly was born. It bothered me a bit but not nearly in the same realm as it does today. I am the teacher or parent in the room who nips bullying in the bud and will use it as a life lesson. We should learn to accept and appreciate the uniqueness of others. I heard somewhere (I can't for the life of me remember where) - "True character is defined by how you treat someone who can do absolutely nothing for you" - I have adopted it and made it one of my life tenets, a few others are listed below. We do have a growing list that we keep - most are Christian based. I was once told by someone in no uncertain terms that her family was "the most religious" in the family. If Catholicism and Christianity are measured merely by Parochial tuitions and not by everyday actions our society is in some serious trouble.
Bullying takes place in many ways, shapes and sizes. It occurs on the bus when things are thrown at someone or intimidation is used. Hurtful comments that are made with the intent of making someone feel bad is bullying. But bullying also takes place in many other forms - not just in teenagers, but adults as well. Just as bad as the girl who looks at others who are different and quirky and labels them "freaks" are the family members who do just as much damage to their own flesh and blood. We went to a family gathering at Christmas and to say there has been a family riff on my husband's side would be an understatement. The kids were very excited to get to their aunt's house and see all of their cousins and their aunts & uncles. It didn't take long for Molly to look at me and say "Mom, why aren't they here? I bet they just don't care...." I made up something on the spot that this part of the family had made other plans first and perhaps they would be there later. How do you explain to an eleven year old that we drove 5 hours to spend time with family, but her cousins and aunt and uncle couldn't drive 15 minutes to spend time with them? My husband just went home again recently for my nephew's graduation from high school and again, they didn't show. Molly didn't ask this time, she interprets and internalizes everything extremely literally - I don't think she will ask again.
It is one thing to be not nice. It is another to set out to deliberately hurt feelings. There will certainly be parties that all of us will not be invited to or that we really wanted someone to attend our own and they couldn't make it - to think this would not happen would be unrealistic. To deliberately set out to instill hurt in others is inexcusable. Who has a birthday party for their child and thinks even for a moment that is okay NOT to invite their grandmother?!
What I do expect however and deserve is common courtesy. I expect family relations to be safe-havens for my children. I want them to look forward to trips to visit with family members. The positive in all of this is that life is full of lessons. We know how we would like our children to treat everyone. We know that today we are setting the examples for our children, they will model our behavior towards friends, family and strangers. Does Molly or my other children understand this unraveling of the family? Probably not, as an adult I am not quite sure I grasp it either. My answer to the original question Molly asked, would probably be no, they don't care. There is nothing we can do, we can move forward and be sure that we don't treat each other that way and that when we grow up we certainly don't think it is EVER okay to treat your parents or your siblings like that. We are family and we won't let anyone separate us. If you have someone in your family with whom you would like to make amends - please do so - we all know life is too short and there are no guarantees. To my family - I love you all & am grateful every day for your support and love! Until next time...
2. Live authentically- Live what you love to do. Find your passion and take time out of each day to pursue your dreams. They may not come overnight, but given time and persistence if you follow your heart, your dreams will become reality.
4. Take time to relax- Being type "A" all the time can take it's toll on the mind and body. Take time for yourself to unwind. Do something you enjoy and calm your mind and spirit. Be peaceful for awhile.
5. Give of yourself, don't expect anything in return and it will come back to you ten fold. Practice random acts of kindness and you will be surprised where it takes you.
6. Keep your body and mind moving. Nothing is worse than stagnation. Exercise your body and mental power.
7. Value your family- Take the time to love and appreciate them, for you never know when they may be gone.
8. Trust your intuition- Follow your gut instincts and listen to the little voice inside your head. Chances are that it is there for a reason.
9. Don't judge- You never know where someone is coming from unless you have walked a mile in their shoes. Keep an open mind, an open heart and a welcoming smile.
10. Don't hold resentments- They will eat you up inside. Work to solve issues rationally. If they can't be solved, put them out of your mind and move on. Life is too short to harbor grudges and animosities.
I have NO tolerance for meanness. I used to, before Molly was born. It bothered me a bit but not nearly in the same realm as it does today. I am the teacher or parent in the room who nips bullying in the bud and will use it as a life lesson. We should learn to accept and appreciate the uniqueness of others. I heard somewhere (I can't for the life of me remember where) - "True character is defined by how you treat someone who can do absolutely nothing for you" - I have adopted it and made it one of my life tenets, a few others are listed below. We do have a growing list that we keep - most are Christian based. I was once told by someone in no uncertain terms that her family was "the most religious" in the family. If Catholicism and Christianity are measured merely by Parochial tuitions and not by everyday actions our society is in some serious trouble.
Bullying takes place in many ways, shapes and sizes. It occurs on the bus when things are thrown at someone or intimidation is used. Hurtful comments that are made with the intent of making someone feel bad is bullying. But bullying also takes place in many other forms - not just in teenagers, but adults as well. Just as bad as the girl who looks at others who are different and quirky and labels them "freaks" are the family members who do just as much damage to their own flesh and blood. We went to a family gathering at Christmas and to say there has been a family riff on my husband's side would be an understatement. The kids were very excited to get to their aunt's house and see all of their cousins and their aunts & uncles. It didn't take long for Molly to look at me and say "Mom, why aren't they here? I bet they just don't care...." I made up something on the spot that this part of the family had made other plans first and perhaps they would be there later. How do you explain to an eleven year old that we drove 5 hours to spend time with family, but her cousins and aunt and uncle couldn't drive 15 minutes to spend time with them? My husband just went home again recently for my nephew's graduation from high school and again, they didn't show. Molly didn't ask this time, she interprets and internalizes everything extremely literally - I don't think she will ask again.
It is one thing to be not nice. It is another to set out to deliberately hurt feelings. There will certainly be parties that all of us will not be invited to or that we really wanted someone to attend our own and they couldn't make it - to think this would not happen would be unrealistic. To deliberately set out to instill hurt in others is inexcusable. Who has a birthday party for their child and thinks even for a moment that is okay NOT to invite their grandmother?!
What I do expect however and deserve is common courtesy. I expect family relations to be safe-havens for my children. I want them to look forward to trips to visit with family members. The positive in all of this is that life is full of lessons. We know how we would like our children to treat everyone. We know that today we are setting the examples for our children, they will model our behavior towards friends, family and strangers. Does Molly or my other children understand this unraveling of the family? Probably not, as an adult I am not quite sure I grasp it either. My answer to the original question Molly asked, would probably be no, they don't care. There is nothing we can do, we can move forward and be sure that we don't treat each other that way and that when we grow up we certainly don't think it is EVER okay to treat your parents or your siblings like that. We are family and we won't let anyone separate us. If you have someone in your family with whom you would like to make amends - please do so - we all know life is too short and there are no guarantees. To my family - I love you all & am grateful every day for your support and love! Until next time...
1. Live honestly- Be honest with yourself, true to your heart and be straightforward with others. Be honest with others, but take care not to harm them with words they may not be prepared to hear. If you don't have something NICE to say, keep it to yourself.
2. Live authentically- Live what you love to do. Find your passion and take time out of each day to pursue your dreams. They may not come overnight, but given time and persistence if you follow your heart, your dreams will become reality.
3. Think positively - don't dwell on the negative in life. Find the positive in each situation (even if it's really difficult), and positive things will come into your life.
4. Take time to relax- Being type "A" all the time can take it's toll on the mind and body. Take time for yourself to unwind. Do something you enjoy and calm your mind and spirit. Be peaceful for awhile.
5. Give of yourself, don't expect anything in return and it will come back to you ten fold. Practice random acts of kindness and you will be surprised where it takes you.
6. Keep your body and mind moving. Nothing is worse than stagnation. Exercise your body and mental power.
7. Value your family- Take the time to love and appreciate them, for you never know when they may be gone.
8. Trust your intuition- Follow your gut instincts and listen to the little voice inside your head. Chances are that it is there for a reason.
9. Don't judge- You never know where someone is coming from unless you have walked a mile in their shoes. Keep an open mind, an open heart and a welcoming smile.
10. Don't hold resentments- They will eat you up inside. Work to solve issues rationally. If they can't be solved, put them out of your mind and move on. Life is too short to harbor grudges and animosities.
Our next topic will be
Gluten Free for me!
